It started out okay -- mom was starting to sweep and help me out front -- but it went sour when she got disoriented. I have to admit I just wanted to be able to work and get done the clean up -- but she just was so uncertain about what to do -- she was so unhappy doing it after a certain point -- then the negativity poured in -- So you want me to leave right? I just should curl up and die.... This when she doesn't hear me for the 3rd time say - yes mom please put what you swept into a bag.
Then it spun out of control -- I could have said the sky was blue and she would have thought I was criticizing her.
Okay so now let me get perspective -- if I really want to solve this problem -- I have to figure out what her motivation is to say these things. What does she gain by doing this? Is it a sense of control? How should I respond when the negative energy starts to barrel in? Thoughts?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday, May 22
Katie's in Boston, part of me wished I could have gone. But I haven't worked out all the details of my commitments, including taking care of Mom. Details on what it means to do what I do will come out later - but the fact is that for over a year now I've been guiding Mom through her daily routine.
I read about Korea a while ago -- in Korea, the elderly population is so large that they have started training the elementary students to know what to do when they come across an elderly individual who may be confused about where they are. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/26/health/26alzheimers.html. This article gave me confidence that this is the only way to proceed in the care of our elderly. They need, if possible, to remain in their current settings -- and they need guidance and prompts.
Mom's alzheimers was only recently diagnosed -- in March 2011. I haven't sorted out all the details yet.
Today is a typical day so far. Except my daughter is in Boston for her school trip. Thank goodness Gerry Blackwell is blogging, I should be able to know through that the day-by-day activities.
But in taking care of mom -- this is the routine. I call her -- and today it was late -- it was at 7:30 -- usually I call at 6:00. I tell her what day of the week it is, and the date. And then I tell her that I am calling her to remind her to take a shower. The night before, I have laid her clothes in her dresser. The third drawer down on the right. This has been successful, so that if I am able the night before to put her clothes in the hamper, in the morning, if I do oversleep, she actually instinctively grabs the clothes from that drawer and gets dressed. This is an improvement over what used to happen.
It really isn't illogical. She would before take off her clothes and hang them in the closet -- the problem is that over time, well the clothes are dirty -- and it has taken huge amount of effort and work to get the clothes clean while preserving her dignity and preserving her sense of control over her closet and such.
But where we are now is that these things are under control. The woman who cleans on Monday knows to check the clothes in the closet, and between her and I we are able to keep the clothes clean. But now keeping Mom clean. She showers every day with cued guidance. This works for now and again it takes some pre planning the night before. I lay the soap on a wash cloth and I know which way the knobs work for the shower to work -- and we have over time figured out how to do this with pretty good ease. For every day of the week except for Saturday, Mom does not have to wash her hair, so a shower cap is in the bathroom, which I have ensured the night before is in the right spot.
If I oversleep, now for the first time, Mom pulls out the clothes we put in the drawer the night before -- but I have decided that even if she is already dressed it is important that shower still happens. The physical activity and the habit are equally important. So I instruct her to do so -- but on a good day -- this happens with great ease -- as was today.
I walk her through turning on the water. The far knob and the near knob a half turn to the left -- check the temperature. Wait. Does it feel okay? Okay now turn the middle knob all the way to the left. Okay using the bar of soap and the wash cloth, turn the bar of soap in the wash cloth so it is nice and soapy. Okay now wash under your arms and your private parts. Shower rinse and repeat.
I'm usually reading the paper while I am doing this -- sometimes I can't but on good days I can.
I read about Korea a while ago -- in Korea, the elderly population is so large that they have started training the elementary students to know what to do when they come across an elderly individual who may be confused about where they are. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/26/health/26alzheimers.html. This article gave me confidence that this is the only way to proceed in the care of our elderly. They need, if possible, to remain in their current settings -- and they need guidance and prompts.
Mom's alzheimers was only recently diagnosed -- in March 2011. I haven't sorted out all the details yet.
Today is a typical day so far. Except my daughter is in Boston for her school trip. Thank goodness Gerry Blackwell is blogging, I should be able to know through that the day-by-day activities.
But in taking care of mom -- this is the routine. I call her -- and today it was late -- it was at 7:30 -- usually I call at 6:00. I tell her what day of the week it is, and the date. And then I tell her that I am calling her to remind her to take a shower. The night before, I have laid her clothes in her dresser. The third drawer down on the right. This has been successful, so that if I am able the night before to put her clothes in the hamper, in the morning, if I do oversleep, she actually instinctively grabs the clothes from that drawer and gets dressed. This is an improvement over what used to happen.
It really isn't illogical. She would before take off her clothes and hang them in the closet -- the problem is that over time, well the clothes are dirty -- and it has taken huge amount of effort and work to get the clothes clean while preserving her dignity and preserving her sense of control over her closet and such.
But where we are now is that these things are under control. The woman who cleans on Monday knows to check the clothes in the closet, and between her and I we are able to keep the clothes clean. But now keeping Mom clean. She showers every day with cued guidance. This works for now and again it takes some pre planning the night before. I lay the soap on a wash cloth and I know which way the knobs work for the shower to work -- and we have over time figured out how to do this with pretty good ease. For every day of the week except for Saturday, Mom does not have to wash her hair, so a shower cap is in the bathroom, which I have ensured the night before is in the right spot.
If I oversleep, now for the first time, Mom pulls out the clothes we put in the drawer the night before -- but I have decided that even if she is already dressed it is important that shower still happens. The physical activity and the habit are equally important. So I instruct her to do so -- but on a good day -- this happens with great ease -- as was today.
I walk her through turning on the water. The far knob and the near knob a half turn to the left -- check the temperature. Wait. Does it feel okay? Okay now turn the middle knob all the way to the left. Okay using the bar of soap and the wash cloth, turn the bar of soap in the wash cloth so it is nice and soapy. Okay now wash under your arms and your private parts. Shower rinse and repeat.
I'm usually reading the paper while I am doing this -- sometimes I can't but on good days I can.
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